I have them. Lots of them.
For example, I would NEVER do online dating, because even though I find myself perfectly acceptable, I would assume that any guy dating online MUST be a complete loser if he has to resort to such measures. Yeah, I’m unable to justify it in my head.
Also, I just cleaned out my voicemails (dating back as far as two years ago) and found one from a guy I’d met who, in the sweetest yet most confident way ever, asked me out to coffee, or lunch, or dinner, my choice. It was a year and a half old. I considered calling this guy back now and accepting, but then I thought, “why would I want to go on a date with a guy who’d accept an offer of a date a year and a half later? Even if it is for me, has he no pride?!” And so I vetoed the idea of calling him back.
And my favorite bit of hypocrisy comes from what I like to call my “rock-bottom days”. I smooched a random guy at my friend’s birthday party a few years ago and he immediately called me the next day wanting to go out on a date and I quickly dismissed him, absolutely disgusted by the offer. I believe my exact words were, “Excuse me, I was wildly inappropriate when I kissed you last night and I’d never be interested in someone who was interested in someone acting the way I acted, even if it was me!” (The nerve of that guy! But MAN did that guy call me back quickly! Heaux be winnin!) SMH. I do have standards, even if they kick in late sometimes.
But, I guess the point is, even when I was at my lowest point, I know what I want and what I don’t want. I want a guy who would stick it out with me when I’m at my worst, but isn’t attracted to it. If he’s attracted to it, that means he’d condone it, he’d enable me and be satisfied with me in that light. I don’t want a man who doesn’t mind me walking all over him, as some I’ve dated in the past have tolerated. I want to be better and I want a guy who encourages me to be my best possible self.
Maybe that’s inconsistent, unfair, hypocritical, bizarre, pick an adjective. But, I want what I want.
What are your dating double-standards? Everybody has them 😉